A lot of mental “illness” is normality distorted and magnified. Paranoia’s like that. Most people are familiar with the word, and think they can identify with it, but unbridled, runaway paranoia is far from normality and beyond the experience of most.
One of my earliest and most powerful paranoid delusions was that a team of assassins were out to kill me. During the Cold War the American space program trained a body of elite men to become astronauts. They were chosen for their physical and intellectual superiority and were considered the cream of American youth. In psychometric tests, some of them were considered to be ideologically unsound and not suitable for the space program itself, so it was decided to cryogenically freeze them until such time as psychological programming became effective. Years later, a covert branch of the CIA known as The Department Of Society awoke them and conditioned their minds so they would have a fanatical devotion to the state and would carry out any orders given without question. Their hearts and vital organs were replaced with synthetic units powered by tiny but powerful atomic batteries with almost perpetual life. The Department also used supernatural forces in their work, and a seer they employed had predicted that in my 60s I would write a book which would capture the imagination of the world and bring about an end to global capitalism. They decided I had to be destroyed, and they programmed 6 of their units to track me down and kill me.
I knew I couldn’t trust anyone, and I was constantly on the lookout for any sign of danger. I knew that they wouldn’t do anything as obvious as gunning me down in the street, and would employ more devious means such as sabotaging my car or electrocuting me in the bath. I was driving around a lot at that time to escape the voices, and I would often check my car for bombs or severed brake pipes before starting the engine. I’d get nervous if I thought a car was following me, and what should have been a short journey could turn into miles of travelling to avoid being pursued. I started to avoid people, as the voices had told me that they would kill my family and friends if I tried to get help, and the authorities were all in on it. I’d often find myself in a strange town, miles from home, trying to stay one step ahead of the hunters. When I was briefly at home, I was terrified that they’d come for me, and I hardly slept.
About this time, I’d been seeking medical help for the depression which had become unbearable and I was given medication which I’d been taking for a while. I didn’t tell the doctor much about the other symptoms - I didn’t trust anyone enough for that. I can’t remember what the meds were, but after time they began to have a calming effect. The paranoia slowly faded and the delusion gradually dissolved. Realisation eventually dawned that I was safe. For now.
