I used to visit mental health forums to chat with like-minded people. I usually only use them when I’m high – when I’m low I tend to avoid them. There’s some really dark and unhelpful shit on the web regarding depression and the motives of the participants can be questionable. I met some fascinating and eloquent people on my internet travels. Here’s one exchange from a now defunct chatroom.
Me : Evening, how’s it going?
Bipolar Bare : Great, thanks, how are you?
Me : Excellent too. Feeling pretty high.
Bipolar Bare : Do you mean manic?
Me : I don’t like that word, too many negative stereotypes associated with it. I just say “high” or “low”. People usually get the meaning.
Bipolar Bare : OK, that makes sense.
Me : What’s with your handle, is that a typo?
Bipolar Bare : Lol, no. The first word’s obvious, and when I’m manic I don’t like wearing clothes.
Me : Ah, I see. For myself, I prefer not to show off my body, even when I’m high.
Bipolar Bare : Why’s that? Are you gross or something?
Me : I’m not sure. I’ve got skinny arms and legs, a ludicrous pot belly and I’m developing love handles.
Bipolar Bare : Lol, I won’t ask for a pic then.
Me : Thanks.
Bipolar Bare : Tell me a bit about yourself?
Me : Not much to tell, I’m a male in my 40s, I have mental illness and I live with my girlfriend near London. What about you?
Bipolar Bare : I’m a married female, 30s and I’m in Birmingham. Also, it’s my birthday.
Me : What! Why aren’t you out celebrating?
Bipolar Bare : Money’s too tight to mention.
Me : I know that feeling. Maybe I can help you live it up a bit, without spending any cash.
Bipolar Bare : And how do you propose to do that, pray?
Me : Fancy a dance?
Bipolar Bare : What do you mean?
Me : I’ll paste a link to a suitable tune and we can bop till we drop.
Bipolar Bare : That sounds a bit crazy, but OK.
Me : Bear with me, I’ve got a suitable song in mind, but I must warn you, I’m an aging punk and the only dance I know is the pogo.
Bipolar Bare : That’s cool, I’ve got two left feet anyway.
Me : Here you go.
Me : Click the link on the count of 3. Ready?
Bipolar Bare : Yeah!
Me : 1-2-3-GO!
*Music sounds from the tinny computer speakers for a few minutes*
Me : That was excellent! I haven’t moved like that in years. How was it for you?
Bipolar Bare : Not bad. Haven’t heard that song in a long while.
Me : You were great, the high kicks were especially impressive.
Bipolar Bare : Lol, your pogo was pretty cool too.
Me : Yeah, it took me back. I regret all that gobbing on the monitor though, it’s made the text all blurry.
Bipolar Bare : You better wipe it then!
Me : All done now. I can read you now.
Bipolar Bare : Good. After all that I need a drink, so I’m going to log off now.
Me : OK, nice chatting and dancing with you, catch you soon.
Bipolar Bare : Same here, bye for now.
We chatted again a few times over the next couple of weeks, but then she suddenly disappeared and I never heard from her again. I haven’t danced since then.
